I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
