He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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