I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
NoShamevember. You game?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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