i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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