We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
