he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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