I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize