i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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