Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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