taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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