I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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