He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize