Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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