I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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