im six kinds of drunk right now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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