omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it because I queefed?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
