guys are not supposed to queef...right?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
