good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
