I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
