A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
