Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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