I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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