Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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