This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
how drunk are you?
Several
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
