I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
