I want to have your abortion
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
