Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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