True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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