His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
