I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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