I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
