We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
