Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
