Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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