I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
