I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
