His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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