I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize