i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
