craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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