i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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