sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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