did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
