just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
