Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
