508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
