if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize