Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
