Soap is not a condiment
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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