good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize