I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize