I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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