I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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