the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
