Sry I called you an 8
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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