Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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