you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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