If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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