Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
